We just had a baby last month (our second) and my mind and heart exploded with a wide range of thoughts and emotions.
You know, the usual “Oh my Lord, you are a beautiful baby girl." and "My wife is a freakin ROCKSTAR!” and of course “I. Will. NEVER. Sleep. Again.” (That last one accompanied by silent crying — so as not to wake baby).
But I had one thought that stood out a little above the rest. As I lay sprawled across the uncomfortable couch bed at the hospital, I was thinking about the future of my kids. About how much promise and potential they have. You know, the promise and potential that’s synonymous with youthfulness.
And then it hit me.
I think my children have more potential in life than me. You know, because they’re young and I’m (quote/unquote) OLD.
Wait a second.. is that actually true though?
If we’re only basing it off of age, then sure. They should have an extra 30 or so years on me. But, if they’re anything like me (hopefully not) their list of accomplishments might look like this for the first 18 years:
- Learned to walk.
- Potty trained (mostly).
- Quoted all of Top Gun (including and more importantly, the bad words) in Kindergarten.
- Hit on my 5th grade neighbor (also in Kindergarten). #wassupgirl #letscolortogether
- Survived Junior High.
- Managed "pizza face" in high school. (Disclaimer, Proactive® did NOT work..)
- Acquired a bunch of soccer, baseball, tennis, and golf trophies. (None of which I play professionally)
- Graduated high school.
AND those are just a few of my outstanding contributions to mankind.
All kidding aside — most people spend the first portion of their life being a kid and learning how to navigate life.
Todays youth DO have an advantage in the area of technology. Their ability to adopt new tech and find creative ways to monetize with it is impressive.
HOWEVER, A world of opportunities can open up for most people as they head into their 20s, 30s, 40s, etc.
First off, your brain isn’t fully developed until around age 25. So having greater emotional maturity, and better judgement are just a couple of the advantages that come with age.
(I don’t know about you, but I’ve had plenty of “what was I thinking?!” moments from when I was younger).
In addition, we typically have more social connections as a result of college, career, or other activities. And with that, the possibility of further opportunities. In fact, every single job I’ve had was a result of some sort of connection I’ve obtained through the years.
On the topic of jobs, chances are we’ve been in the workforce for some time. I’ve had 4 jobs now (the norm for millennials by the time they reach 32 years old). In that time I’ve discovered what I enjoy doing and am actually good at. I’ve also discovered what types of careers and people I want to avoid.
Now in my 30s, I feel that I can better focus my attention in a direction and run full force.
So wtf is the hold up?!
With all of these advantages of being older, why do I still feel like I’ve missed out, or that it’s too late for me to do something really great?
One possible answer – I think sometimes I focus more on my mistakes or missed opportunities. “If only I would have done this, or taken advantage of that, I would be in a MUCH better (or happier) place right now.”
Which for some people can then become — “Because I didn’t do ‘insert blank’ I am now stuck – in this career, in that relationship, with this problem.”
That may be partially true only in that your current reality is a result of the choices you’ve made. HOWEVER, every single day you are making choices about where you live, where you work, who you allow to be in your life, etc. YOU are 100% in control of YOUR life.
Another possible answer for what could be holding me (or you) up..
Falling into the comparison trap. This could be a post by itself, but I wanted to briefly touch on it because it’s been a significant roadblock for me.
Many times throughout my life I’ve compared myself with my friends. Growing up, I would take notice of the fact that their parents were still married (mine divorced when I was in kindergarten). Or that my friends had new clothes throughout the school year (I only got them for “back to school”). I would be jealous of the homes they grew up in whereas I moved around a lot. (One of the locations was a slightly rundown apartment. Another, my grandma’s house — she was a hoarder).
Fast forward to today, I see the value of all those experiences I had growing up and the character it instilled in me. Unfortunately, there are still some occasions I fall into this comparison trap.
I’ll see several of my friends who have done pretty well for themselves already and I’ll feel like I’ve somehow "missed the boat.” I hate the overwhelming thought of how long it might take for me to catch up. I mean, should I even bother to try?
The real question to ask would be, “catch up to what, and why does that even matter?”
BONUS QUESTION: Who gives a **** where your friends are at as it relates to your journey?! Just be happy and encouraging for them and their successes.
The reality is, everyone is living their own life. Experiencing their own successes and failures. The best thing any of us can do for ourselves in this area is to stop focusing on other people and what they do or don’t have.
I need to live MY life, NOT theirs. You need to live YOUR life, not mine, not theirs.
Final thoughts. As a parent, it’s great to believe in my kids and their potential. But I must not ever feel like I no longer have any. It simply isn’t true. Your age, physical ability, or life circumstances might change, but you are still in control of how you respond and decide to move forward.
So yeah, I have little children now — I didn’t 10 years ago. It didn’t remove my ability to accomplish great things, only changes the way I pursue my dreams.
The truth is, I believe I still have an incredible journey ahead of me, and what’s more? I get to help my kids with theirs!
Oh what potential indeed!
P.S. Here’s a list of just a few people who experienced larger scale success later in life:
- Samuel L Jackson - 46 years old (and in recovery from addiction to cocaine and heroin) before he starred alongside John Travolta in Pulp Fiction.
- Julia Child - Her first cookbook was published at age 39 with her Television debut (The French Chef) at 51.
- Martha Stewart - Published her first book (now in its 30th printing) at age 41.
- Vera Wang - Began her career as a designer at age 40.
- Stan Lee - Created his first hero comic book title in the super hero genre (The Fantastic Four) just shy of his 39th birthday. Over the next few years he and artist Jack Kirby co-created the Hulk, Thor, Iron Man, the X-Men.
- Henry Ford - 45 years old when he created the Model T.
- Harry Bernstein - Published his memoir "The Invisible Wall: A Love Story That Broke Barriers” in 2007. He was 96.
- Everyday people you don’t hear of who might not be published authors, actors, or founders of Fortune 500 companies — but are still accomplishing incredible things in their families, communities, or work.